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Join us on the new forum at AbeForum.com
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happygrl
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 07:47 pm
It's been 2 months since ending my r'ship, and today marks 4 years since we met. We have not contacted each other, and in fact, I had blocked him from contacting me, but today I am feeling an overwhelming urge to email him just to wish him well. We ended on not-so-good terms, and I am in a much better place about everything now, however, I am still vulnerable to him. Logically, I know we are not good for each other, but my heart still wants him, and I find it hard to think about anything else. I have tried to put my focus on other things that I may want, but honestly, every other area of my life is fine with the exception of having a mate, so I find it's very hard not to think about wanting a mate. From what I understand about what Abraham says, you ask for what you want, God/Universe lines it up, and then we need to stop asking and allow it to come, which means to me, let it go, stop thinking about it, and find a way to feel good. The problem is - I can't 'not' think about it. There's nothing else as important to me that I can find to occupy my mind! To complicate matters, even though I am meeting and dating others, and even though I try to resist it, if I am 100% honest with myself, it's still the ex that my heart wants.

So, there are 2 questions there - should I extend an olive branch to the ex? And how do I stop thinking about wanting a r'ship? I know it's my constant wanting and 'asking' that is blocking it from coming, but I don't know how to let it go. Any suggestions?

HG

TryAgain
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 07:55 pm
Discover and focus on those attributes of the ex and the relationship that you had with the ex that you are desiring.  Ask yourself: What is it, what is that "je n'sais quoi", that "the heart wants"?

By doing this, you are being deliberate with your desires and therefore with your request to the Universe. Become certain of what it was that you had that you liked and that you want more of. You will want to only allow those aspects back in next time around.

Until you have been deliberate of what it was that you liked about the relationship, then you would only be attracting the same relationship back again (which didn't work out the first time, right?)  So use deliberate creation to whittle down to just the parts that you want and THEN wait for things to line up for you.

Shining Light
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 08:58 pm
You've been in that groove for a long time, now to jump out of this groove and create another one takes some time. Because time is what we deal with here in this physical reality. Don't try to force your thoughts about him out of your mind, welcome them and enjoy the goodtimes you shared with him, then move that feeling over to yourself, love yourself just because ............ and settle down in the ease of your feelings

PansDaughter
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 09:00 pm
Give yourself time.

Its hard in the early days of splitting.  Its been 8 months and I've only just found myself SURE that I don't want him back.

Don't allow loneliness to drive you back into the arms of a man who isn't right for you!   You deserve a perfect "ABE" relationship - what I mean by that is someone who ticks all the boxes and who is right for you.  The universe will provide that, but not before you are ready.

Enjoy the time you have now whilst you are "getting ready"  - that is what I've determined to do and it seems to be working.

Hugs,

x

andawe
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 09:49 pm
Did you see this on Susan's LA workshop thread? ::hugging


There was a Hot Seat question about a guy who broke up with a girl, and now feels doubts about his decision. Abraham soothed and answered like this:

 

“Do you think that the Vortex called you in and away from that relationship? The thing is you can allow anything with anyone, but you are not responsible to ‘make’ it work with everyone. You don’t want everyone. And your Source knows that and called you away.”

 

“In the vortex, you are not second guessing.”

 

If you are looking back, you are not In the Vortex.”

 

“Make it about The Vortex.”

 

“Look at it like this, I made a decision and out of it came a whole lot of stuff now IN the Vortex. Now my work is to get In the Vortex. And it will feel like the next logical step.”

 

“Let’s do a Focus Wheel (Problem) I really want a great relationship but I am so afraid that I messed it up, I blew it. I was overly- picky. I missed and opportunity. (The Solution)  I want to be so in synch with where I am that I recognize value in all people, places and things. I want to be In the Vortex knowing clearly. I love my alignment and all that I have become.”

 

“If it feels off, it’s off”

 

“Give up the struggle. Call it your former struggle; call it the Step 1 moment. Appreciate it no matter how brief it is.”

laciemn
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 10:49 pm
I think what Abe means by "stop asking" is to release your attachment to the specific outcome. Attachment to outcomes, or symbols(a certain person, a certain type of personality trait, cars, money, etc), is rooted in insecurities. Hold onto the faith that your perfect partner is awaiting you, or is on his/her way, and then move along with your own goals and desires. Think of yourself as awaiting them, and improving yourself in the meantime so that you are truly ready when love comes for you again.

laciemn
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 Posted: Mon Oct 5th, 2009 10:51 pm
andawe wrote: Did you see this on Susan's LA workshop thread? ::hugging


There was a Hot Seat question about a guy who broke up with a girl, and now feels doubts about his decision. Abraham soothed and answered like this:

 

“Do you think that the Vortex called you in and away from that relationship? The thing is you can allow anything with anyone, but you are not responsible to ‘make’ it work with everyone. You don’t want everyone. And your Source knows that and called you away.”

 

“In the vortex, you are not second guessing.”

 

If you are looking back, you are not In the Vortex.”

 

“Make it about The Vortex.”

 

“Look at it like this, I made a decision and out of it came a whole lot of stuff now IN the Vortex. Now my work is to get In the Vortex. And it will feel like the next logical step.”

 

“Let’s do a Focus Wheel (Problem) I really want a great relationship but I am so afraid that I messed it up, I blew it. I was overly- picky. I missed and opportunity. (The Solution)  I want to be so in synch with where I am that I recognize value in all people, places and things. I want to be In the Vortex knowing clearly. I love my alignment and all that I have become.”

 

“If it feels off, it’s off”

 

“Give up the struggle. Call it your former struggle; call it the Step 1 moment. Appreciate it no matter how brief it is.”

LOVE these quotes!

::music

happygrl
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 12:00 am
Thanks guys. I've been wanting to do a focus wheel on this for weeks, but I am having trouble coming up with a statement for the middle that feels good. I see that from the LA notes, Abraham suggested one for the hot-seater, but that doesn't jive with me either. I want to stop thinking/feeling like my ex is the 'one'.....maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but I want to be open to any and all possibilities. Any suggestions on that?

HG

Margay
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 12:33 am
How about, "I want to be open to any and all possibilities."?

happygrl
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 01:11 am
Hey PD - it's not loneliness at all. It's the fact that my ex was darn near exactly what I wanted in a man. Was he perfect? No, but neither am I. It's just really hard to find another man that fits the entire bill. I think it's Dr. Phil that says you can be happy with someone that's 80% of what  you want.....Dr. Pat Allen says 51%+ is a good match, and I would say he was probably 90%+ of what I am looking for.  About 1 year before I met him, I made a list of ALL the qualities I wanted in a mate.....down to the littlest things, such as 'drives a truck'.  A few months after meeting my ex, I came across the list, and wouldn't you know - he had every last thing on the list! LOA at it's best. However, there are some things I know now that I didn't know then that I would have put on the list as well, such as emotionally available, and wants a committed r'ship! I know that at this point though, I want/need a commitment from him if we were to go forward, and he doesn't want that, so it's pretty much a moot point anyway, unless I'm willing to compromise myself, and I'm not. Not anymore anyway.

HG

happygrl
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 01:17 am
Tryagain & Shining Light - thanks. Last week I was doing some rampages of appreciation on the god things, and I was feeling pretty good. I'm just afraid that doing those kinds of things on a daily basis keep me thinking about him, and keep my focus on him. But you're right too that I am trying to force out the thoughts of him. I do need to relax a little and realize it may take some time. It does actually feel good to think about the good times with him, and his good qualities. I guess I don't want to feel like I'm pathetically hanging onto something that is long gone. I know there's a distinction there, but hopefully you know what I mean.

HG

happygrl
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 01:18 am
Andawe - somehow I missed that thread, so thanks for posting it!!

HG

happygrl
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 Posted: Tue Oct 6th, 2009 01:20 am
Margay - I like that. I can already see some of the surrounding statements. I so my best thinking in the morning, so tomorrow I'm going to see where I can go with this.

HG

IBelieveInFairytales
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 Posted: Sun Oct 18th, 2009 02:15 pm
happygrl, I'm in the same situation as you. Me and my loved one parted ways 18 months ago, we stopped stalking (well HE stopped talking to me) a year ago. I did everything I could think of (including listening to every single Abe audio out there) and finally gave up around a year ago. I've dated other guys since then, they have all been a "shadow" of him. They resemble him, have same interests as him etc...but it wasn't him. And I just got bored and wasn't interested in them that long.

I heard he was seeing someone else, but apparently they just called it quits. I still think about him and wonder how he is doing. I do want to attract him back into my life even just as a friend and honestly I have no idea where to start. When I decided to stop chasing him, I also hit the "Delete" button on everything Abe that I had learnt. Any tips would be appreciated.

And yes, I appreciate myself, love myself and know I'm scorching hot. I have no self-esteem issues and I'm generally a happy person, who is surrounded by good people. I'd say I have a good life and the only thing missing seems to be this "connection" I have with him.

Celeste
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 Posted: Sun Oct 18th, 2009 05:36 pm
What is this, an epidemic?  Make room for someone else in the Lost Love boat, I'm climbing in with you :)

My relationship was very short-lived, but when I get in, I get in deep.  I can't even think about his wonderful qualities because his wonderful qualities are still tied to him in my mind, and, well, it hurts.  So I visualize myself standing on a cliff by the ocean, the breezes are blowing through my hair and all around me, and I imagine that he is a feather in the palm of my hand.  As I hold out my hand, the wind carries him away. 

The truth is, his heart is like a feather in the wind.  If he returns to me, it is something over which I have no control, just as I have no control over the wind.  Abraham tells us we have to give up all need to control others and circumstances, and I suppose trying to will or wish or dream someone back into our life is a form of control.  It's futile and it keeps us chained where we are, when our Inner Being is calling us forward, forward, forward to the expanded version of ourselves that the contrast has created. 

The odd thing is, I know that my expanded version of me is not a vibrational match to him, but it will be to someone else, someone with whom I will find even more wonderful qualities.  Abraham tells us not to associate a face to the desire we hold. So it's best to leave the past behind.  I suppose we're not even a vibrational match to the past anymore because of the expansion, and that's why we feel the emotional discomfort.  I know that calling grief "discomfort" is like calling an amputation a "minor cut," but anyway ...

I wish there were a magic wand to wave me into the Vortex. ::stardust

 

 

IBelieveInFairytales
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 Posted: Sun Oct 18th, 2009 08:40 pm

There are many of us cruising this love boat...and downstream we go!::downstream

I have no grief or sadness associated with him. I think I had that in the first 6 months and then I had that entire year to not focus on him. Now every time I think of him, a smile plays around my lips and my eyes light up. I only remember the good stuff from 2 years ago, I can't even recall why we had fights or broke up.

I've wanted so much to not think of him and I kept fighting it. But I kept meeting his "essence"/driftwood everywhere, even to the point I'm hanging out with these new friends (who are his "type" of friends) I randomly attracted from nowhere and that's when I woke up this morning after trying not to love him for 12 months (cause everyone told me I needed to move on and I believed it was the thing for me to do in the end) and said to the universe, "Fine, I'm going to stop fighting you on this. Show me what you got."

For me letting go now doesn't mean to forget and move on. It means I know it will work out for me and him and I need to stop fighting this urge to stop thinking about him. So, I've "let go" of the desire, as I already have it.

And I remember the Fred audio from a year ago that was circulating around this forum, Abe says if thinking about Fred made her feel good to keep thinking about him and soon he'd cross her path or something better.

Celeste, you mentioned you might not be a vibrational match to him as you've expanded, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he has expanded as well?

scottiedog
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 Posted: Mon Oct 19th, 2009 12:19 am
"The positive moments you may have once felt within your relationship were not about the harmony you found with each other (that now seems to be gone), but instead about your own alignment with who-you-really-are.  It is true that it is easier for you to be in alignment with yourself when you are not focused upon unwanted things.  So a person near you who is pleasing to you can serve as a positive object of attention, causing no distraction from your alignment.  But the belief that another person is "making" you happy is incorrect.  Your happiness is your natural state of being. The correct understanding is that you are using this currently pleasant person as your reason not to focus yourself away from who-you-really-are; while, in your state of unhappiness, you may be using this currently unpleasant person as your reason to focus yourself away from who-you-really-are."  The Vortex pg 40

 

"Throughout your lifetime, and because of your interaction with others, you have been identifying the characteristics in others that are most appealing to you; and you have, incrementally, been sending out rockets of desires about those desirable traits.  In other words, bit by bit, you have created (in your own Vibrational Reality) your version of the perfect mate for you.  But before you can find your perfect mate, you  must be a Vibrational Match to that desire, which means, you must consistently be a Vibrational Match to what you want.

If you are feeling lonely or frustrated about not yet meeting your mate, you are not a match to your Vibrational Reality, and so your rendezvous is postponed. "  The Vortex pg 42

 

"But if you can bring yourself to a place of consistently feeling good, even in the absence of the relationship that your desire, the rendezvous is certain.  In fact, it is Law."

The "perfection" of that partner means that your partner matches the things that your life has caused you to ask for, but the finding of that partner hinges upon you becoming a match to those desire first.  You cannot find your perfect mate from your awareness that your mate is missing from your life.  You have to find a way to no longer offer the Vibration of a "missing partner."  The Vortex pg 42

The above are quotes, however, this is a recollection: Abe talks, and often, about a hot seater who said she believed Abraham wanted her to get so good at not missing a mate, that she wouldn't care if he ever showed up.  Abraham comes back with,  that's exactly right and then her mate would show up immediately. Maybe someone else has the quote...it a good one.

Remember...all is well, and we never get it wrong because we never get it done.

::stardustMagic happens::stardust Susan

 

 

Celeste
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 Posted: Mon Oct 19th, 2009 12:48 am
IBelieveInFairytales wrote: There are many of us cruising this love boat...and downstream we go!::downstream


And I remember the Fred audio from a year ago that was circulating around this forum, Abe says if thinking about Fred made her feel good to keep thinking about him and soon he'd cross her path or something better.

Celeste, you mentioned you might not be a vibrational match to him as you've expanded, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he has expanded as well?

I would like to find that Fred audio, the entire exchange, because hearing Abraham talk always affects me more strongly than just reading the words.  It soothes me.

IBIFT, actually I hadn't considered that he has expanded as well, but of course he would, wouldn't he?  Expansion is inevitable.  Will we ever be a vibrational match again?  I just don't know.  All I know is when I think of him, I send love his way, never recrimination.  I want the Universe to have as many thoughts of love to add unto as possible.


 
"But if you can bring yourself to a place of consistently feeling good, even in the absence of the relationship that you desire, the rendezvous is certain.  In fact, it is Law."

I'm doing my best to focus on that which makes me feel good.  My friends.  My dog.  My home sweet home.  My health.  My optimistic nature.  My music CD that always makes me want to get up and dance.  My songwriting.  So many things. 

I never looked to him to fulfill my life.  He just made the brightness brighter, that's all, the colors more intense.  Looking at him through the eyes of Source helped me to see everything through the eyes of Source.  ::hearts 

IBelieveInFairytales
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 Posted: Mon Oct 19th, 2009 08:26 am
Celeste,
You can find the CD here:
http://www.abraham-hickslawofattraction.com/lawofattractionstore/product/8-05-06A.html

Also, perhaps in your guy's expansion, he is expanding such that during a certain moment he will be a vibrational match to you. Nothing is impossible. :kiss:

Aaron
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 Posted: Mon Oct 19th, 2009 09:16 am
HOLY $%^&!!!!

Hey everyone sorry to chime in here but I am utterly floored on this topic.  Pretty much everyone has stated in their posts everything I've been running though my head over the course of the past who knows how long, but with a special emphasis placed on the past 24 hours.

The craziest thing has been me asking the questions and knowing the answers will show up.  I just ask.... and they show up...ask ....and they show up. Not only showing up but with pin point accuracy. (work in progress here on the Vortex... it is sitting here on my desk)

 

BIG TIME THANKS  to all those who posted here.  It's a relief to know this road has not only been travelled by me.  RELATIONSHIPS....what a ridiculous thing.  If it's what we are truely after..and I truely believe it is....it's designed to be way easier than this.


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