This book has been in my possession for years but I only recently read it entirely. (And it was only recently in anyway relative i.e. recently married 2 years ago)
Was having some conflict in my marriage (Some of you may remember), nearly divorced which I was excited about and felt that was, "Downstream" as it was.
Before we started the divorce process however some things came to light (Her cheating on me early on in our relationship) along w/ her more or less breaking down saying she needed me. I choose to stick the relationship out after this for several reasons:
1. I didn't want to, "Hate all women" or at least view all women as liars because this, "Cheating" took place nearly 3 years ago... almost 2 before we got married. Part of the reason I married her was because of her apparent loyalty (She stuck w/ me even though I was into dating multiple girls, broke up w/ her @ one point, was into pornography, among other things non sexually related)... however after she revealed she was, "In love w/ someone else when we first met" and that she saw him 4x (2x while we were broke up) really shook me because I felt like what I had believed for a long time was a based on a falsehood (ANYWAY SORRY RANT)
2. I started to develop stronger feelings for her both emotionally and sexually. I started to feel like I wanted to be w/ her more than I ever had before. I started reading, "His needs her needs" and it seemed I had made a tremendous amount of mistakes that caused us to get to where we were (On the verge of divorce).
HOWEVER... if any of you are familiar w/ the book, "His needs her needs" it seems quite insightful and practical... however it also seems to fly in the face of much of which we have learned about the LOA.
Anyone familiar w/ the book and / or have thoughts on it? The idea is that we more or less can understand one anothers' basic relational emotional needs (i.e. For men most common are 1. sex 2. recreational companionship 3. attractive spouse in his eyes; For women 1. affection 2. intimate conversation 3. honesty and openness) AND BY MEETING THOSE NEEDS (Or trying to) you can sustain romantic love through out the marriage and thereby prevent divorce @ a higher rate.
I suppose this isn't necessarily saying LOA can't still exist w/ these principals but its shook me.
Internally I'm quite solid despite all this contrast which hasn't added up to a solid number yet (More or less its a big jig saw puzzle w/ pieces everywhere) but last week I was happy about the relationship, excited, etc... and now I'm thinking I might be better off alone, addicted to videogames, adderoll, porn, prostitutes, and potentially living in the bahamas because she doesn't appear willing / ready to apply the principals from the book.
Last edited on Sat Jan 26th, 2013 06:46 pm by Pacman