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mniakm
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Posted: Mon May 12th, 2008 07:52 pm |
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Hi All,
I recently joined and am looking forward to learning and growing here!
I have a complex situation I am dealing with and I need some advice from experienced Abraham followers like you!
I was enaged to a guy, that called off the wedding a few months back due to fear of change, etc. I then practised the law of attraction and he came back and we tried to work things out and hopefully towards a new weddign date. After some time, of getting back to our relationship, he really seemed to make minimal mention of our wedding and any plans to rectify the situation. (Note that I come from an East Indian family and this was an arranged marriage, so the fact that he got cold feet to begin with is already a taboo on his list, according to my family.)
So, after some time trying to hear the words wedding out of him and being trapped between family pressure to drop him out of my life, "Because he is no good..", I decided to call it quits with him. It hurt like hell, but I felt I was so at the end of my rope, that I needed to let go of the oars, in fact let go of everything, including the man I desire as my future husband. So, in a sense, I actually surrendered...but at the same time, I want him back...I am planning to manifest his return to me, on a white horse with a bouquet of flowers and my dad's blessing for a wedding, all the while, where he has become a serious, grouwn up and mature stable life partner...do you think this is over-ambitious at all or can this be possible?
What makes this situation more tough than normal, is that my family is against him, I have let him go myself, and it feels like there are so many barriers for us to be together now...
I really miss him and feel it in my bones that he is the right man for me, because his entrance in my life was a mircale to begin with, since at that time, I had also surrendered to Source, as I was tired of the arrnaged marraiage dating game...tel me your thoughts, thanks!
What do you think Abraham would say about this?
Amy
Last edited on Mon May 12th, 2008 08:21 pm by Jody1
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galina
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Posted: Mon May 12th, 2008 08:10 pm |
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Hi Amy. I don't have too much advice to give, but someone on this forum once said this to me and it really gave me a better understanding of relationships. He told me that it's not the person that you want, but the feeling. There was a guy who I had been holding onto for so long because I thought he was the ONLY ONE for me, but we have many, many soulmates who all come fromt he same energy stream as we do. And so I made a list of all the feelings, qualities and attributes that I wanted in a partner and I held on to those good feelings and I eventually met someone and was able to easily let go of this other guy. I realized how limiting it is to believe that we only have one soulmate, when Abe tells us that we have many and we come into each other's lives to enhance one another's experience.
Also, here is a GREAT Abe quote on love and relationships:
Do you know the relationship that you are all looking for? Do you know what it really is?
You want the relationship between you and you. And when you meet a person who looks fondly at you, or who is appreciative of you, or someone you look fondly upon, or someone you appreciate, it just hooks you up to your Inner Being, which is what you want all along.
So the relationship you are all looking for is the relationship between you and you. And everything else is just helpful in that, really.
Don't you find that interesting? That what you really want is a reason to vibrationally connect with who you really are.
And so, you ask so much of people because you say to them, "You need to be the one who causes me to feel good." And what we want to say to all of you is:
If any of you are without the relationship of your dreams right now, that's a wonderful thing. Because now you have an opportunity to work on the relationship that really matters first and foremost. And then, in that connection, the relationship of your dreams will come.
But you are going to discover the relationship of your dreams is really your own Inner Being. It's that infusion of clarity and confidence and wellness, that's what you are reaching for.
And it is nice to have a human friend who holds you as their object of attention and adores you right into your connection. But we want you to experience greater independence than that. We want you to say to your lovers, "I love you, but I don't live for you. Because Source Energy flows through me. You are a catalyst to my wellbeing, but you are not essential to my wellbeing. Because I've got that figured out on my own. I have reached for thoughts that give me relief. And I have relieved myself all the way into my full connection of who I really am. And now we can just dance and play together."
Can you feel how you take them off the hook? In other words, do you know how many men would flock to you? (ALL OF THEM!) if they knew that you would allow them to be as they are and you would not hold them responsible for your happiness.
That's what everyone wants. How much bondage is there in believing that your happiness depends on me, so I've got to figure out what you want, and stand on my head in all those different ways, and it's not even possible!
The greatest gift you can give anyone is to be happy. And we will take that further. The greatest gift you can give to any partner, past, present or future is to be so connected with who you truly are that they are irrelevant to your connection. And when they are irrelevant to your connection, then you are going to have a really good time together.
Hope this helps!
Last edited on Mon May 12th, 2008 08:12 pm by galina
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buttons
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Posted: Mon May 12th, 2008 08:16 pm |
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| like the song says....you will only miss the man that you wanted him to be....As abe says you cant create for another only yourself .x0x0x0 buttons Last edited on Mon May 12th, 2008 08:28 pm by buttons
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laurie
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 05:00 am |
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Great quote, Galina. I would have loved to have had this information 30 years ago!!
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Norma
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 04:36 pm |
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On a tape from an old workshop (Tarrytown - 2003?) Abraham says to a woman, "the only thing that determines whether or not you can have your dream is are you in alignment with your dream? Then you can manifest a partner with NO ambition and say, I have big dreams and if you are up for it, come on! Then you start making your love decisions based on very different criteria. Do I love him? Does he make my heart sing? Is he fun?"
So I find myself pondering about how I can love someone and want them to be what I want them to be, and they can't, and the letting go is hard. I keep wanting to go back and try again. Yet in the letting go I feel huge relief and they go thru a huge shift! Then I really have to fight going back, because we both shift again back into the old pattern.
What is up with that! Abraham says tend to the relationship with inner being. So what are we doing? When we get with someone, and they are the object of our attention, and they aren't in alignment, we get out of alignment thinking about them. And then we think about them more thinking that we can help them get back into their alignment? And that keeps up stuck out of OUR alignment? So we turn our attention elsewhere, and everything shifts back into alignment! Then we want to go back.
Really wanting to wrap my mind around this....
So here I am focused on fun and joy. If I keep my focus and not resent that the other person does't join me here, someone else will. Then I can move forward from this new place, with the new person and I encouraging each other. When you expand, you can't bring someone else along. So you have to be willing to let them go, if you want to keep up with your own expansion. And in order to keep up you have to let the universe take care of the rest of it. Then when whatever is best happens, (that's all that CAN happen), you will be up to speed with it, and not resisting.
Whew! Thanks for letting me chew on this.
Norma
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Norma
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 04:43 pm |
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Galina wrote: He told me that it's not the person that you want, but the feeling. There was a guy who I had been holding onto for so long because I thought he was the ONLY ONE for me, but we have many, many soulmates who all come from the same energy stream as we do. And so I made a list of all the feelings, qualities and attributes that I wanted in a partner and I held on to those good feelings and I eventually met someone and was able to easily let go of this other guy. I realized how limiting it is to believe that we only have one soulmate, when Abe tells us that we have many and we come into each other's lives to enhance one another's experience.
It is so hard to let go of someone you have invested so much in. But this idea of the energy stream really helps. I love your idea of making a list. I was thinking something like that this morning. It kind of goes along with the BOPA. You want someone who makes you feel happy, glad, appreciative, not sad, bad, frustrated. So if I focus on what makes me feel "happy, glad, appreciative" that's the kind of person I will attract.
That's the lift I was looking for! 
Thanks Galina!  I am going to do what you did!
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mniakm
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 05:07 pm |
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Hi Norma,
You made some really interesting points here...I agree with you. I also find it somewhat confusing to just let that person go away from your life, since we do invest time, love, energy, etc into that particular person. I also feel that each person is so uniquely special, and that my ex-fiance is so very special to me, that his entrance into my life was so very miraculous, that I still feel amazed about how things happened for us to begin with, despite the recent events that have put distance and barriers between us, although I still feel his presence within my heart...I feel this contentment and satisfaction that he is near me, and I really feel his love, warmth, etc...(keep in mind that I am not allowed to contact him at all and he has been told to not contact me either! - long story, traditional indian family stuff...lol!!).
Let's say that I had married him and we went through these problems after the wedding, then should I just let him go and find another husband? It makes sense, but I really value this unique person and to simply let him fade away does not do justice to my miracle of him in my experience...someone please help us understnad this...I know there is a logical explanation, but just need to find it!
Thanks!
Amy
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galina
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 05:41 pm |
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Norma wrote: Galina wrote: He told me that it's not the person that you want, but the feeling. There was a guy who I had been holding onto for so long because I thought he was the ONLY ONE for me, but we have many, many soulmates who all come from the same energy stream as we do. And so I made a list of all the feelings, qualities and attributes that I wanted in a partner and I held on to those good feelings and I eventually met someone and was able to easily let go of this other guy. I realized how limiting it is to believe that we only have one soulmate, when Abe tells us that we have many and we come into each other's lives to enhance one another's experience.
It is so hard to let go of someone you have invested so much in. But this idea of the energy stream really helps. I love your idea of making a list. I was thinking something like that this morning. It kind of goes along with the BOPA. You want someone who makes you feel happy, glad, appreciative, not sad, bad, frustrated. So if I focus on what makes me feel "happy, glad, appreciative" that's the kind of person I will attract.
That's the lift I was looking for!
Thanks Galina! I am going to do what you did!
Good luck Norma! I know it will work wonders for you, and it's so much fun to write out the list and read it over and over and over and add onto it and actually feel what it would be like to have this wonderful person in your life. That's the best part, when you read it and suddenly you're so excited and you're basking in the knowing that he is coming and suddenly it doesn't even matter to you if he has physically manifested or not because that is not really the point. The point is the emotional journey and feeling great exhileration and joy along the way, and in the knowing that it is done!
       
Last edited on Wed May 14th, 2008 05:43 pm by galina
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B2reflect
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Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 07:26 am |
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galina wrote:
Also, here is a GREAT Abe quote on love and relationships:
Do you know the relationship that you are all looking for? Do you know what it really is?
You want the relationship between you and you. And when you meet a person who looks fondly at you, or who is appreciative of you, or someone you look fondly upon, or someone you appreciate, it just hooks you up to your Inner Being, which is what you want all along.
So the relationship you are all looking for is the relationship between you and you. And everything else is just helpful in that, really.
Don't you find that interesting? That what you really want is a reason to vibrationally connect with who you really are.
And so, you ask so much of people because you say to them, "You need to be the one who causes me to feel good." And what we want to say to all of you is:
If any of you are without the relationship of your dreams right now, that's a wonderful thing. Because now you have an opportunity to work on the relationship that really matters first and foremost. And then, in that connection, the relationship of your dreams will come.
But you are going to discover the relationship of your dreams is really your own Inner Being. It's that infusion of clarity and confidence and wellness, that's what you are reaching for.
And it is nice to have a human friend who holds you as their object of attention and adores you right into your connection. But we want you to experience greater independence than that. We want you to say to your lovers, "I love you, but I don't live for you. Because Source Energy flows through me. You are a catalyst to my wellbeing, but you are not essential to my wellbeing. Because I've got that figured out on my own. I have reached for thoughts that give me relief. And I have relieved myself all the way into my full connection of who I really am. And now we can just dance and play together."
Can you feel how you take them off the hook? In other words, do you know how many men would flock to you? (ALL OF THEM!) if they knew that you would allow them to be as they are and you would not hold them responsible for your happiness.
That's what everyone wants. How much bondage is there in believing that your happiness depends on me, so I've got to figure out what you want, and stand on my head in all those different ways, and it's not even possible!
The greatest gift you can give anyone is to be happy. And we will take that further. The greatest gift you can give to any partner, past, present or future is to be so connected with who you truly are that they are irrelevant to your connection. And when they are irrelevant to your connection, then you are going to have a really good time together.
Hope this helps!
Hi Galina,
thanks for this quote. I am becoming more and more in tune with Me that this is so head on for me.
The one thing I get 'stuck' at though is...in Oct. 2005, I consciously chose to stop dating. I kept attracting what I asked for (LOL go figure) yet I was not AWARE of what I was doing. So, I needed time and space to 'figure it out'. I have realized I desire to ALLOW someone into my life now. I made a list of qualities, fun things and such.
I recall hearing (MANY times) 'when you are not looking, he will be there'. First off, hogwash  . I have not been looking for some time now...as well, as when I first thought to 'look' again, I was still 'not looking'. Needless to say, 'he' did not show up.
Which by the way is a good thing, I was still 'caught up' in some things I thought I let go.
At any rate, this is a great quote and I get it but how do I 'GET' it? Does that make sense? How do I get so to the point that " But you are going to discover the relationship of your dreams is really your own Inner Being. It's that infusion of clarity and confidence and wellness, that's what you are reaching for. .....(I think this is where I put snip?) The greatest gift you can give to any partner, past, present or future is to be so connected with who you truly are that they are irrelevant to your connection. And when they are irrelevant to your connection, then you are going to have a really good time together."
I believe, and often Feel that my relationship with my Self is great enough that I could ALLOW someone in, and have this relationship with him. Then, when I put 'myself out there', I go back to insecure. How can I be secure and still insecure?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. It is almost summer and I would enjoy (In Joy) meeting someone (or a few someones of the male gender) to do things with. I have great female friends to hang out with yet many are married or otherwise occupied (sign. others).
Love, Light and Peace,
Beth
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B2reflect
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Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 07:36 am |
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Norma wrote: On a tape from an old workshop (Tarrytown - 2003?) Abraham says to a woman, "the only thing that determines whether or not you can have your dream is are you in alignment with your dream? Then you can manifest a partner with NO ambition and say, I have big dreams and if you are up for it, come on! Then you start making your love decisions based on very different criteria. Do I love him? Does he make my heart sing? Is he fun?"
Then I can move forward from this new place, with the new person and I encouraging each other. When you expand, you can't bring someone else along. So you have to be willing to let them go, if you want to keep up with your own expansion. And in order to keep up you have to let the universe take care of the rest of it. Then when whatever is best happens, (that's all that CAN happen), you will be up to speed with it, and not resisting.
Whew! Thanks for letting me chew on this.
Norma
Norma,
thanks for your expansion of ideas here.
I like the "does he make my heart sing?" and "is he fun"? I guess for him to be fun, I must be fun. LOL I know I was, I think I 'fear' if I am?
As for the expansion, this is the funny part, when friends speak of their relationship woes, they ask my opinion. LOL Now as I mention above I have NOT dated (by choice) in over 2 years!
I do know the next relationship I enter it will be of someone interested in expanding...preferably as a couple, yet if not, Next~!
I do realize, I have been in a lower vibration for the past few days than previously. When I have thought about relationships, I have (again, with the fear  ) wondered if all this time I chose to abstain, physically and more from men, was it even worth it? MOST of the time, I say a resounding YES! I have met Me and enjoyed spending time with Me. Then others, I think do I 'know' enough to not make the same mis-choices I made? If I have spent enough time with Me to prevent that?
Thanks for 'listening'.
Love, Light and Peace,
Beth
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Norma
Member
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 04:57 am |
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Hi Beth,
I too have done the hiatus from dating thing, for lengths of time. But what has come to me recently was a result of looking at it all thought the lens of Abraham's "everything: feelings, other peoples' behaviours, health status, is all a vibrational indicator." So what I noticed is that when the "significant other" is not being very nice, that it is reflecting how I am not being very nice to myself, by putting up with it!
It recently came to me that in my friendships I expect to be treated well but I tolerate less than that in my significant other relationships, because I expect to have to work at it more. (Low self worth issues?) But Abraham says, "nothing that you want is upstream" so that means the "working on it" doesn't work.
So now I am getting a new clarity that I want my relationship with my significant other to be as easy and pleasant and uplifting and fun as my relationships with my friends. Or I'd rather be just with myself. Now I am ready to date, because I have a wonderful emotional guidance system that will tell me, "if it hurts, it isn't what I'm wanting, and if it lights me up, then go for it!" I have come to trust my feelings in positive ways, now I'm learning to trust them in the negative. I don't have to find out why that fellow gave me a negative feeling. If I get a negative feeling, that's all I need to know! And a glow of appreciation is a great indicator too!
Blessings,
Norma
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B2reflect
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 05:08 am |
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Norma wrote:
So now I am getting a new clarity that I want my relationship with my significant other to be as easy and pleasant and uplifting and fun as my relationships with my friends. Or I'd rather be just with myself. Now I am ready to date, because I have a wonderful emotional guidance system that will tell me, "if it hurts, it isn't what I'm wanting, and if it lights me up, then go for it!" I have come to trust my feelings in positive ways, now I'm learning to trust them in the negative. I don't have to find out why that fellow gave me a negative feeling. If I get a negative feeling, that's all I need to know! And a glow of appreciation is a great indicator too!
Blessings,
Norma
Thanks Norma for your reply! I get this! I soo get this!
I have told friends time and again...love (or dating, for that matter) is supposed to Feel Good! and if it doesn't it is time to say thank you but I am out of here! "Or I'd rather be just with myself."...yep, me too!
"Now I am ready to date, because I have a wonderful emotional guidance system that will tell me, "if it hurts, it isn't what I'm wanting, and if it lights me up, then go for it!"" This is what I have been asking about to my UM...what I have told friends, as well. I guess I am ready...No I am Ready to date again. I can trust myself to ALLOW someone in. I have learnt my lesson(s). I do know the answers...as you have so clearly pointed them out and I so (clearly but denied?) knew! ::boat
Thank you so very much Norma! You rock! ::frog
Love, Light and Peace,
Beth
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lifeisgood
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 11:31 am |
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Hi Amy, I think it is wonderful that you have so much love in your heart. ::cerealYou seem to be a very good person and you should be happy about that. The question is can we influence the decisions of another. If so, how? Abraham teaches that we need to allow others to do what they want to do, even in marraige. I like this because it is freeing and takes pressure off. I've learned that as I got better at allowing my wife to do what she wants, she enjoys me more. Abraham also teaches that as we focus on feeling good and being good to ourselves, we can have an influence on others to also align with wellbeing. Now can and should we try to attract a particular person to our lives? I think it is less stressful and more downstream to envision the type of person that you want. Visualize him in any setting that pleases you but make his description more general. The person who comes to your life and fulfills your vision may be your ex or it may be someone else, but that person will come. When I visualized the girl of my dreams, she was in the kitchen making dinner as I was helping my future daughter with her homework. I never visualized my wife's face, but simply saw her build and hair color. We are very happy and our daughter is now six! I hope this helps.  Jerry
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Norma
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 04:56 pm |
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Amy wrote: Let's say that I had married him and we went through these problems after the wedding, then should I just let him go and find another husband? It makes sense, but I really value this unique person and to simply let him fade away does not do justice to my miracle of him in my experience...someone please help us understnad this...I know there is a logical explanation, but just need to find it!
As I was pondering your entry I could feel that you are in an upstream place about all of this (quite understandable!). Yet as Abraham has said many times now, "nothing that you want is upstream." Action applied with determination will often get us what we want, even when it is upstream, and then we find out later through other difficulties why something felt upstream in the first place!
What comes to my mind about this is that either way, if you go downstream, really focus on what makes you feel good and trust that if this other person is really a match for what you want, that LOA will shift things around and miracles can happen, or that there is something here that you are really NOT wanting, that you can't see yet, and trust that if you keep yourself in a good feeling place that someone who IS a true match to what you are really wanting will come into your life, and everyone will love him as much as you do. Either way, do what you can to get yourself into a good feeling place as much as you can as often as you can, (Abraham says reach for the feeling of relief all day every day) and LOA will bring you what will match that happy feeling.
Beth and Amy: For me the recent lesson has been realizing when a relationship is in an upstream place and being able to let go and allow something different or new to come in. Letting go can sometimes be very hard for reasons that have nothing to do with the other person. Then sometimes one needs to seek support from others to help one keep pointed in a downstream place. Now I am using my emotional guidance system to guide my steps, and it is interesting how I can think I really want to go in a direction that my guidance system clearly says doesn't feel good. Hmmmm. (The head wants to override the heart.) But now I'm listening to my EGS and NOT those bad feeling thoughts. Heart rules from now on!
Love,
Norma
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B2reflect
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 05:21 pm |
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Norma wrote: Heart rules from now on!
Love,
Norma
Amen Norma! 
I told a friend that, a couple weeks ago about the heart. She said her heart wanted this man and her head kept saying no. I told her from my perspective, that her heart was saying, 'okay I love him but he is NOT the one for me'. Her head was saying 'but I have invested so much in him, MAYBE I should keep giving him more chances!' LOL She said, wow, I thought it was the other way around. I said your heart is your highest connection with Source and will only steer you into GOOD feelings...if you listen!
LOL Pretty cool that I can share these with others.Yet, then get 'caught' up in 'details' for me! No more...heart leads from NOW forward!!!
Love, Light and Peace,
Beth
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