mniakm wrote: I also find it somewhat confusing to just let that person go away from your life, since we do invest time, love, energy, etc into that particular person. I also feel that each person is so uniquely special, and that my ex-fiance is so very special to me, that his entrance into my life was so very miraculous I still feel his presence within my heart...I feel this contentment and satisfaction that he is near me, and I really feel his love, warmth, etc I really value this unique person and to simply let him fade away does not do justice to my miracle of him in my experience.
Hi Amy
You've let him go physically. By letting him go 'completely' I mean that you move away from thoughts like the above as fast as you possibly can!
Yes, you invested a lot in him... and you wanted a return on your 'investment', ie marriage and commitment, that he wasn't ready to give.
The longer you are apart the more you can mesmerise yourself with ideas like 'he is so very special to me', I still feel his presence within my heart...I feel this contentment and satisfaction that he is near me, and I really feel his love, warmth, etc 'his entrance into my life was so very miraculous', 'my miracle of him in my experience' etc. This is not letting go and causes you to feel pain about the difference between your beliefs 'he is near me' and your experience... that he isn't with you. There is a danger that you build this up so much in your mind and keep away the love that actually is available to you.
You struggle with the idea of letting him go away from your life because your feelings towards him were so strong. When we invest so much, the ego gets bruised at the knowledge that we made ourselves vulnerable and our investment was misplaced.
You and he were born on the same planet in the same time and yes, in a way that's miraculous... although his appearance in your life strikes me as rather less miraculous than the fact that I can communicate with you from another time zone across the world!
Miracle or no, there was one major thing you want in a man that he didn't have to give you: commitment. That was so important to you (and your family) that you chose to send him away. I'm willing to bet there's someone else whose entrance into your life may not involve miracles and white horses, but he'll be everything you want.
love
Leah
Last edited on Thu May 22nd, 2008 04:06 am by Starchild
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