it has given me another point of view as to how to do some ''homework'' that entails being grateful for the man I was once married to.
Going back to look at that early, unwanted marriage had taken me down the emotional scale, but now I am reminded tol ook at him and see him through the eyes of source, and my IB.
That would be the space to do my homework from wouldnt it?
Yes, the early experiences with my brother caused me to launch rockets that I have since allowed to bloom into my life.
For many years now people who know me have marveled at my strength, my independence, my confidence, my ability to make a decision and move forward with it unwaveringly and much more.
There are other aspects of my life, areas that are TMI for this forum that are beyond the wildest expectations of most and I can trace that directly back to causes and effects of those years.
Every constrast I have ever experienced has given me great gifts. I have not unwrapped all of those gifts yet but each one has given me great gifts. No matter what happened in the 'unwanted early marriage' if you did not like it you launched rockets as a result. Some you may have already opened but never realized the source of the gift (the earlier contrast created it) and some gifts you have probably not opened yet.
As I began seeing cause/effect of some of the wonderful aspects of the life I live and realized that the early traumatic contrast gave me so much I have to be thankful for it.
As I said before, forgiveness of him was not a part of the equation. I had forgiven myself years ago for not telling; something which made sense to the child-mind I was using when I made the decision but did not later on when reviewed from the adult perspective.
Everyone always does the best they can in any given moment. I believe that.